one night (to forget)

my vision blurs but clearer still i see my drink
unobscured i push onward

”i see regret
and im not worried\\

Where would I be
without your painkiller
shot inside of me!

not a direct quote, but not mine to take credit for.

I need to stuuuuuuuuuuuuudy. You cannot fail. You can’t always be writing in here. That is not bloggin’

Nope, neither is this, but you did it anyway

Faulty faculty and frail fingers fail to filter out Faustian fallacy
Fantastic, fools, ‘fore it festers, focus on the flee.

For I am done, and I am Donne and do only despise that Flea
The vermin who fled and left the flesh to bare despairingly

So dis-pairingly the flea and Faust and Johann and John
join diametrically finding that it diffuses duality
while Marlowe and Eliot remain here with me

If I were responsible, I’d stop this now. Stop writing in this textbox, if you are responsible.

If I was responsible…

the terminating point has already passed, yo. You are not responsible. Hypothetical statements and fantasy. No more projecting expectations on the answers. That’s all regretting is to me it seems. Always trying to be right, but it does not happen.

Stop trying to hold the moon’s hand; he is an amputee.

Am u Pete? Why does that resemble Middle English. No I are not Pete. Who is Pete? They’ve always been asses and not assets.

Pete’s a dick quite obviously so is Dick and Paul and Mary, well, when did we ever concern ourselves with them. At some point they were fun

but no one told them it was done
they stuck around like flies on a moulding hot dog bun

or stuck to the paper that we never hung out
and why didn’t we ever hangout?
before you hung yourself

before you hug yourself
hug Youssef
or cling to your knees
cos, i know, it’s your need

but the dough didn’t knead
and the bread didn’t rise
and from the bed you raise
your head in jest

it matches your hands poised in gest
and poisoned gents
who couldn’t eat the bread
so took rice instead
well, now they’re dead

that was too easy and sleazy -
remember act breezy
at least not so cheesy
cos we have no Kesey

and i can’t explain a thing away
so don’t delay!
come right on your way
bring the native smokes of hay
HEY HEY no
enufff

Out of class. Hillside chillout. Until my battery dies.

Down to work. Start with something straightforward. Transcribe the lyrics. It wasn’t the main priority, but I did start on the others. Shouldn’t do that kind of detailed stuff right now.

Feelin’ Reserved by War Party
My reservation as I look into your eyes
I realize that we’re living out the white man’s lies
There was no compromise just deceit
as i faced the defeat
that was put here long before me
at times i find it hard to accept
i ask god is this a test
is this really all we have left?
cos my son’s life is just getting started
and life is seeming harder
just to try stay above the water
i remember the days of way back when
we had no gang fights
we had no crackpipes
and brothers got along in the families
what the hell went wrong with the families
my reservation

i’m feeling the pain
the strain on my mental weighs heavy
genocide makes me live my native life deadly
i hope you get me if you don’t let it marinate
the mind state of my people we try to set that straight
we never brought residential schools to this place
we never brought alcoholic fluid to our tastes
we would never go and try to change you
but you did to my descendants, changed the elders’ lives too
and all the time you knew
now we’re feelin reserved
living disturbed
living a life we never deserved
the native way of thinking ain’t the way of the old
it’s time to look towards the future let our story unfold

i’m feelin’ reserved
man that’s how i’m living
i gotta do with this mic i was given
to try to get by
no word of a lie
we gotta try to restore pride
x2

reservations only
no need to wait for seating
natives continue bleeding
the circle just keeps repeating
this feeling filling a void
exploited people changing
it’s why i turn the tables like time turning the pages
going against the grain and
engaged in hell throughout the day end
no way it’s simple or plain
need to maintain through these pains
taking these short ends
making [ ]
acrylic abortion
it all costs so all the real can gain applause
reserves relentless / were ledless / were ___less
yo it’s what i gotta contend with
so dance the res demented genuine arson
a license from beneath the ground sentence
to bless the four elements this mic, this light, this rez, this life
i represent my residence

sweet grace how music lets my mind take flight
res life my life livin awake sleepless nights
be my eyes colour blind
catch a glimpse of baby sight
realize there’s more to see than all this rock round me
grant this girl a beat and let my soul run free
amidst a play galore there aint no way i’d rather be
one love for my people
u-n-i-t-e
instead of feelin reserved
my reserve feel me

Chorus x 4

Well that’s a start. I dunno some parts I think are yet again a lost cause.

So many fucking emergency vehicles. I can’t hear this damn song. Loud sirens.

Soooooaring. Once again. And this room still cages me. Getting claustraphobic. Want to frolic. Lie on the hill and work. Yeah yeah I’ll do that after class. Study for the next test and do better tomorrow.

This textbook uses the oddest examples.
‘it folweth nat therfore that alle wommen ben wikke’
They also always use ‘friendless’ time and time again. And questions about one having no friends. Seems they’re saying something about the lives linguists lead.

Ah now I really need to get out of this class. I already talk to myself enough. I’m only writing this down because I’ve gotta talk to someone, but there’s only me and the voices in my head. I really see no point in writing any of this.

And yet I can’t seem to stop. Half the day has left. And another half is left. Language is weird.

Tomorrow we will look at the empty placeholder auxiliary do, apparently, in the formation of questions. Pay attention in class dumbass.

I gues I started taking notes in this window.

Reflexives in OE and MidE
object of verb is acting on itself
the direct object is the subject
I hurt me vs I hurt myself
I myself was hurt – emphatic use of myself
“Why do you make yourself act like a fool?”
good question editors of this book, I myself don’t know.

Subordinate clauses in MidE
word order seems to standardize on s/v/o word order though not a cemented rule
sometimes verb is delayed to end of clause – common occurence
“God forbid that it was so!” ‘God forbede that it so weere!’
weren – reduced remnant of past plural marker on verb
this is preserved literally more than in speech
forbid – can be used transitive or instransitive
God forbid… is a noun clause
second = adverbial expression = third

Uh. no. no more notes.

verbs in the imperative mood always have second person singular or plural inexpressed ‘you’ implied.
ex. do not let your eyes be too moist on account of tears
‘do not take any company with a strange man’

FOR TEST TOMORROW
familiar with personal pronouns
recognise north and south
be able to describe a personal pronoun
thei – give modern e descendent = they
-describe as 1) third person, 2) plural number, 3) subject case (we don’t talk about case in modern nouns, but do so in pronouns)

Shit I should’ve paid more attentionnnnnn.

Why am I taking this class? what a waste of money and time and mark on a transcript.

The class is in the music building so the board is covered in staff lines. It annoys me every day to no end. One day I will go up there and start writing out some music. Today maybe? Hah no.

Prof seems especially disappointed in our underachievement today. Taking up a test because we all did poorly. No one answer questions. I wouldn’t know what to guess.

So you’re full of shit eh? You were saying earlier you had the knowledge but not fact recall. So you should be able to guess best of all if it’s true. One of you was making shit uppppp.

no we all are.

STOP IT STOP IT psycho person

take more notes. chew chew chew the gum. sta fucking bility

thy used to put people in place of class system
the miller is respectful by using plural subject form with singular meaning ye
John switches to a respectful address ‘ i pray yow…. that ye may’ in order to get the miller to promptly fulfill his request

CLASS OVER!!!!!!

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

I am pretty sure that this is super old meme. I hate that fucking term. Why did I use it? Because you can’t think of another way to describe it stupid! WHATEVER Old as this may be, I’ve just seen it for the fist time

and it was fucked up but not very exciting until…
what a pay off. wasn’t expecting it to turn around to show that!

Time to head off soon. Don’t want to take the bus right now. Too quiet. Too many people. It’ll be busier at the stop I’ll go to today. I’m gonna trip out and fall over. ugh ugh ugh ugh.

Maybe I should leave now and walk to campus

though my legs may shake
and my back grow weakened
i shall carry on and on
until the day is done

Check check checking in again. I need to be conversated.

Archaic terms are great to fuck with the subjects and the objects. Too bad it’s hard to get over the pretentious conotation.

Get out of your head. Let’s try to recall some shit?

Went to P.C. this weekend – fathers’ day, annual summer festival, working around the yacht club to prepare the boat for the deal that closes tomorrow. Or I guess in less than 2 hours now. Shit that last one was the extra peck of a woodpecker, pecking away at my oblivious head, that caused permanant damage.

Weird weekend. It could have ended in no other way than watching Bill Pullman speed down the Lost Highway and morph into Balthazar Getty. Lynch is a music master.

Blahhhh the 10th shot of the sequence with the musical timing SO PERFECT pulls me right in all the way through the end titles.
Shit now I do kind of want to watch Labrynth. Nah, I’d really rather just watch Lost Highway.

I’d even settle for reading Proud Highway. My relationship with Hunter S. is pretty good. I haven’t read him for a few months, but, every time I pick a book of his up after awhile, it seems like his work’s always at the back of my mind. I’m not saying that I’m a good writer — I’d sooner claim I was a bad one — but I think I’ve been able to pass over the side effect that seems to ail many other Thompson admirers. They’re not so much Gonzo-ized as fully transformed into cheap clones of cheap knockoffs of the Man.

It’s funny that I’ve only just realized now how much the nature of this document resembles Thompson’s better known writing exercises.

I guess the point I was going to make, that I feel separate from those followers because I carry Thompson’s influence unconsciously and only in whisps of voice and person and not in the manifestation of them, is rather moot; however, though that argument becomes heavily damaged, the supposition of an unconscious manifestation of influence strengthens.

Right, you’re really useless. Do you just provide argument upon argument for why you should be arguing in the first place? I’ve yet to see you finish a coherent though. Uh oh, mixed usage of you and I. Now we‘re really in trouble. Forget about he and his, we’ve got ours taken care of.

Why do I always try to confuse myself into forgeting I had asked a question and was attempting to discuss it rationally? That bullshit imagism that I try may work in poetry, but this is more pseudo-prose than pseudo-poetry. What I produce is pretty incomprehensible when I clearly mark it poetry; however, by mixing it into a weird narrative essay, it’s likely it may not even be identified as such by my audience and discarded as pretentious babble.

Wasn’t I talking about pretentiousness before? I should probably get back to that at some point. Along with… something about Lynch? Maybe I’ll revisit them in the next few hours along with whatever I was trying to say about Thomspon’s affect on the words that end up in my pieces, the way they look. Since I think I’ve said enough, I won’t intentionally get into the bullshit that weaves through my words like a loose thread of a new sweater you’d been excited to wear. There’s been too much dwelling on clothes tonight too. Just that it hasn’t been recorded doesn’t warrant further discussion. So get off that too.

Hmm maybe I won’t get to all that. The sun’s already coming up. Not as much time as I thought. Fucking class. Wish I’d started this earlier. Perhaps I’ll just continue it throughout the day and lecture. Yeah. Dedication.

Ha. What a loser. But it works. LiveJournal blogs and pictures of Jennifer Connelly make the loose connections seem to fuse back together. Maybe functionality isn’t lost.

Ah shit, I’ve been distracted once again. Lou Reed is telling me to take a walk on the wild side. Cashing Out Checking In! Shit I thought that last entry if there wasn’t one to follow might look like the reverse. No fears. It appears I’m subconsciously optimistic and happy. I have no idea how one harvests that energy though.

Blah, I am lost. But not that other lost. I can clearly see that I have no idea.

Lou Reed also said “and I guess that I just don’t know” and how wise those words have sounded. But what? Time to turn it on its head cos I think that’s what was missing for me. I just know that I don’t guess.

What the fuck? Dude, you did lose me.

Yeah, shit. I’m all kinds of lost. I guess I just meant that I had a compass in a world where there was nothing to be found. I know where everything is.

Gather around kids, it’s stupid analogy-time (as opposed to those good anecdotes I could regale when I was new? – sure, just get on with it):

Let’s take pirates. The representation we have in popular culture and folklore is of fantastic figures. The idea of searching for buried treasure, something every kid probably did is this

WHAT THE FUCK. No. why’d you even start this? shut uppppppppp

hahaha

I think I’ve slept too long.

Ugh. Another documentation plagued by excess. Look at all that Lou Reed.

i am a sound mirror not
even
a sponge.

Alternate title to this moment: just a New York conversation rattling in my head

Haha, well, I‘m amused.

srsly dude stfu

Fin

[credits]

Um. I’m still here. But I guess that was my cue to get the fuck out. Peace out

Fuck now you know I need you now.

n u t r a s a n u s

Time to break but I’ll be back. As a few separate parts, but I guess I still remain somewhere.

So I came back with the cat still attached. Crazy sun of Abiche. One of the solar properties near the many lunar parts around Abiche.

I wish you believed in deleting and then those random lines wouldn’t taint whatever this is. And you wouldn’t be stuck trying to write over this bump.

I believe that now it is the time for a different display of digression

:

an other at
tempt to get bacan
track

marks mean no thing
when lines are blank

I just remembered about tomorrow. And seemingly forgot, it would seem. Sometimes only a dictionary can tell you that you’re obverse.

This is rapidly deterioting. I strongly doubt I’ll even end up hitting that publish button. Really, what is this shit? Don’t start thinking about how much you’re selfdepricating and just acknowledge that you’re doing it and get the fuck over it. That sentence, in form, just supplied an example. Great

ladeefuckingda

It’s clearly the only time you can write anything sensical.

Stop thinking about the audience. That’s what’s got you.

First-person singular present voice.

Yeah, I think that might work. But it’s not likely to catch on much when I’m constantly interrupted by computer notifications.

Bounce bounce bounce.

Fucking knew that would get old fast. Though, I’m pretty sure I can make adjustments to the system instead of forcing myself to adapt.

Fuck you are losing it big time, I think. So many observations, I’m slippin’. One last hurrah!

i sure went all out for it. excessssssssss but that doesn’t make it excesz or excesf. it’s just excessssssssss

the fucking image those pixels make of a psycho madly hammering the keys

its now so
much
so
that we are done